C U Next Tuesday

Today I saw Frederick with Christmas lights and tinsel in his beard, walking down Bedford Avenue after waking up at 11:45am to get an $8.50 latte. So I held his mouth under a DSNY Truck dripping garbage juice and then suflexed him into the back of it. EOS.


Today I saw Quaid, riding his penny farthing with ribbons for his antique typewriter in the Basket, so he could type poems under the Williamsburg bridge during normal working hours. So I dropped an ACME safe on him. EOS.


Today I saw Xander with an X, passing plant based diet propaganda to impressionable high Schoolers. So I commanded my flesh eating pit bull “Face Ripper” to sick balls. EOS.


Today I saw Owen passing out brussel sprouts to children for Halloween. So I threw a cement Filled pumpkin at his greasy head that splattered his brains all over Bedford avenue. And all the Real Brooklyn children cheered. EOS.


Today I saw 28 year old Logan ordering a decaf-non-fat-no-foam half sweet vanilla latte Because his mom says he can’t have caffeine. So I head faked him with a jar of cinnamon Sprinkles and rammed a handful of stirsticks  down his throat. EOS.


Today I saw an emaciated and toilet paper tube necked Terrance getting his name engraved on His rape whistle. So I took 2 tire irons and played Black Sabbath’s greatest hits on his protruding Ribcage like a xylophone. EOS.